A Call to Mothers.........

Time: 3:45 pm

Coffee: Decaf Hazelnut Cream brewed at home...

"In every generation mothers must answer the call to be what no one else can be and to do what no one else can do for their children. It isn’t that mothers can’t do many other things, but if they refuse to accept their calling as mother some child ends up short changed. And the empty space that mother leaves echoes for generations. God calls us to bring to our mothering a high level of commitment, and a right perspective. Will you answer His call?" [Jean Fleming]

Yesterday I was thinking about how society has somehow conditioned us to believe that being a mom/mommy/mama is not 'enough'... I know I'm not the first person to think about or realize this.. :) .. However, I have felt challenged recently to examine my own thoughts on this, and my own ideas of a stay at home mom, or how I feel now that I'm one...

From the moment the midwife placed little Nyah on my chest just seconds after she was born, I have known that this task at hand is a very important one.. Often I have felt inadequate, unsure of my decisions, worried that I'm not giving her everything she needs to develop properly lol..

However, I can't deny that I have had 'moments' of doubt, or feeling insignificant. Moments when I realize that I have admired women who have been successful in business or a job or career they enjoy, while raising a handful of kids at home.... A career was never one of my goals, however, but missions work and travelling definitely were. As much as I loved kids growing up, and wasn't opposed to being a 'housewife', it was never my focus. I have always had a heart for orphans and children of misfortune and have had the wonderful opportunity of working with a children's home in India on three different occasions, another in Mozambique, and one in Hong Kong. I have imagined myself adopting children from all over the world, travelling and rescuing them from the streets or garbage dumps (in Mozambique this was a reality). And now, nearly every day, I am sitting on the couch, nursing or playing with my little one and ironically, one of her favorite focal points is the wall right behind the couch, on which rest several framed photographs of some of my little heartthrobs from India, china, and Africa. One is of my husband and I on our trip to India together, surrounded by five or six little dark eyed children, grinning goofily at the camera. I know she can't understand a word I say, but I still tell her about those kids, as she stares intently.

And I see that two worlds are colliding: One of this idea of travelling and loving helpless kids, and then there's my own daughter, staring at me with large intent and expectant eyes... smiling and laughing at my silly faces. And I get the feeling that neither is more important than the other.... And somehow, as every mother knows, there is a place in my heart, in myself, in my life, that I never knew existed, that has opened up wider than I ever thought possible, and has embraced and fallen in love with this tiny human, entrusted in my care.

What is 'enough' really and who is the judge?

I don't feel like I am missing out, or pining away waiting to go back to India, or waiting to 'do' something with my life. Eventually that may or may not happen.. And maybe the two 'world's will actually physically collide, if we get the chance to take Nyah to meet those kids we fell in love with. But for now, every time I look at her beautiful face, hold or comfort her, feel her nestle into my chest, I know I wouldn't trade places with anyone.. Yes, indeed, this is 'enough' for me.

"…too many women don't see motherhood as a vocation. The word vocation comes from the Latin word for voice. It means "a call," and I do believe with all my heart that there is no higher and no holier calling than motherhood." [Elisabeth Elliot]